To all mothers, Happy Mother’s Day; To all mothers of LGBT children: Happy Mother’s Day; To all LGBT mothers: Happy Mother’s Day!

We were given a fabulous Mother’s Day gift this year. Read the rest of this entry »

Regular readers of this blog know that we are always on the hunt for stories to convey our message. We know from experience that stories tell the message far better than statistical data dumps or appeals to logic. Now we found articles providing scientific evidence that stories are indeed more persuasive than argument and evidence. When data and logic are used to change strongly held beliefs, people turn defensive. But when persuasion is tried through story telling, people are emotionally involved and people are led by emotions. Read the rest of this entry »

By BELINDA AND JOHN DRONKERS-LAURETA

We held a workshop a few days ago. It was interactive where through personal stories we guide participants in a discussion about the difficulties of coming out, both for API LGBT persons and their parents. Friends from other organizations came to help and there were five of us facilitators. We broke the sixty or so participants into groups and discussed coming out from the API LGBT children point of view and the point of view of parents. Our part of the workshop is to relate our experience as parents when our son came out.

Coming Out Remains Difficult Read the rest of this entry »

By BELINDA AND JOHN DRONKERS-LAURETA

This was a good week. One with fresh insights into what may work and what will definitely not work when talking to people who see nothing wrong with denying LGBT persons rights enjoyed by every other citizen and convincing them otherwise. It’s the convincing that is the problem, because convincing requires that the talking must be in carefully attended to: choose words and tone to make the listener receptive, avoid making him or her defensive. When two people with different opinions agree to talk and listen to each other, a golden opportunity exists to come to a mutual understanding.

We Learned From The Breakthrough Conversation Project Read the rest of this entry »

By BELINDA AND JOHN DRONKERS-LAURETA

As a rule, we avoid talking about politics. We learned the hard way that politics is a slippery subject and we don’t know enough about it to render decent analyses. Our sources aren’t all that reliable either: newspapers and the internet. The popular press reports political issues as if the subject is one-dimensional leaving it to the reader to piece all those single subject stories together. Pundits pontificate but have been proven wrong often enough to be not credible. And single-issue activists act as if theirs is the only subject of concern. Read the rest of this entry »

By BELINDA AND JOHN DRONKERS-LAURETA

A Dark Example

We caught this story from Instinct Magazine about a drill sergeant who is virulently homophobic. It happened in Fort Benning, Georgia. A gay soldier was mercilessly and brutally harassed: called in front of his platoon and screamed at: “Are you a f*gg*t?”, physically attacked: choked, rocks thrown, fired at with blanks, and asked to out the platoon’s other gays. Finally, other platoon members had had enough. Five straight soldiers “came out” to the sergeant who promptly began harassing them. The five complained to the company commander, who went to the base’s person in charge of all basic training, who, in turn, “de-hatted” and threw the homophobic sergeant in jail (Army drill instructors wear a distinctive campaign hat). The Army’s Criminal Investigation Command is involved and there will be a trial.

Read the rest of this entry »

By BELINDA AND JOHN DRONKERS-LAURETA

We have been going through the files of our past banquets to come up with quotes and ideas for the one coming up on June 2. We re-read testimonies written down as they were told and those sent afterwards. We collect personal stories from our banquets and other API Family Pride events, because personal stories have the power to change minds.

What follows is a story we want to share with you. We gave it only the lightest of editorial touches.

Reflections From A Young Queer Asian Who Is Not Out To Her Parents

In first hearing what the API Family Banquet was all about, I was surprised in a good way. The purpose of the banquet is to flip the script on who gets “graded” or “rewarded,” so instead of the kids, it’s their parents. API parents who support their LGTBQ children are honored and recognized at the banquet. Read the rest of this entry »

By BELINDA AND JOHN DRONKERS-LAURETA

An Asian lesbian told us that when she came out to her father he said that she still should get married to a man. She was indignant: marry someone she doesn’t love? Spend the rest of her life with someone she does not care about? Yes, her father said. Go ahead be attracted to other women and even fall madly in love with one, but marry a man. Is this irrational? Is this a contradiction? Alarm bells were ringing in our heads. Is there something here we hadn’t considered?

What Was Old Is New Again

Words have meaning. You know that. But stand still for a while and think of a word. Now ask yourself: what all does that word mean? Read the rest of this entry »

By BELINDA AND JOHN DRONKERS-LAURETA

You may have heard this. API family immigrates to America; son or daughter comes out as LGBT; parents are distraught, blame America: LGBT is an “American disease”. You may not have heard that “coming out” is also American, not necessarily a disease, but definitely another bad American trait. Of course, LGBT is neither a disease nor American, but “coming out” may just be uniquely an American or, at least, a uniquely Western trait.

In a research proposal a couple of years back, we wrote that in America, LGBT persons come out because they can; it is part of the norm. Sharing personal information is a way to release stressful emotions, show trust, and form bonds. It is also a way to seek help and find solutions. But it is not the API way. API parents may not understand the meaning that coming out holds for their American schooled children. Read the rest of this entry »

By BELINDA AND JOHN DRONKERS-LAURETA

To prepare for our upcoming Queer & Asian workshop at UC-Berkeley in April, we reread some of the research projects we conducted that are the basis for many of our workshops. Some of the material goes back seven years and we wondered how relevant the research results still are. No doubt, we should do new research, but the information we have is still solid. This despite the progress toward acceptance and the quantum leap in visibility. Maybe, it has to do with the intensely personal considerations that go into “coming out” for both parent and child. Read the rest of this entry »